Ingrid Divković, writer of Bosnian roots: It's incredible what we are all willing to do for a handful of power

The young woman from Rijeka with Bosnian roots already showed how much freedom means to her in the title of her autobiographical debut 'J..e li vas ego?' (F..k Your Ego?). A Master of Croatian Studies and Philosophy, writer and blogger, she already rules the region as the uncrowned queen of self-help, laughing in the face of hypocrisy and other human flaws. Her first book has already seen its 4th edition, and her masterfully written quotes are being copied and shared relentlessly on social networks, writes the BH news agency Patria.

At the recent promotion of her book in Sarajevo's Buybook, we met Ingrid – as she is, stripped bare, without titles. Direct, but not rude, kind and warm, but not subservient, Ingrid Divković holds attention because she calls things by their real names and because she readily shares herself. Ingrid Divković is, most certainly, a pioneer of a new wave of rebellion against the false life imposed on us – the ego.   

In an exclusive interview for Patria, Ingrid talks about ego, fear, the public, men, and her next book.

Patria: Your first book is autobiographical. How did that come about?

Divković: True. This is my first book and by all accounts autobiographical. However, I would rather categorize it as an intimate confession, adding that this book is a sincere testimony to a woman's truth, and ultimately to a choice we all make every day. The book came about thanks to that choice – life with or without Mr. Ego. One had to choose a side. 

Patria: Were you ever afraid of exposing your intimacy to a sometimes cruel public? Did the public prove to be cruel?

Divković: Fears are constantly within us, and each of us deals with them in our own way. For me, my fears have always been a kind of challenge, an inner driving force that pushed me forward. Anyone can be happy in a safe harbor; one must dare to sail into unknown seas. The public is what it is, and it will always be cruel, no matter what we do. I am a person who responds to cruelty with love, therefore I am uninteresting to all those who seek a response to that cruelty and do not receive it.

Patria: What is life like with a healthy ego?

Divković: I believe that life with a healthy ego is a life in which a person lives a real, not an invented, version of themselves.

Patria: Why did you choose to write about ego – is it a problem of our time?

Divković: I think the story about ego actually chose me, not the other way around. And that ego as such is just one of the many problems we face in today's world. However, I am increasingly convinced that the sea of problems in which we awkwardly swim emerges from a large, toxic sludge called EGO. It's incredible what we are all willing to do for a handful of power. All to appear bigger, more valuable, more powerful in the eyes of others. We have completely forgotten ourselves.

Patria: Do you aspire to become the Balkan queen of self-help? In general, what is your aspiration?

Divković: I have only one aspiration, and that is to be happy. To write and to find happiness and satisfaction in that state. I do not claim any titles. I aspire to be and remain human.

Patria: What does ego do to us? 

Divković: In my book, I don't talk about ego psychologically, but in an ordinary, everyday way. For me, ego is not a mathematical formula nor the result of a psychophysical system. For me, ego is more than that. A friend and an enemy at the same time. It is someone who is capable of watching our downfall. Watching, smiling, and doing nothing.

Patria: You are a master of the written word. You play with words. In the book, you say you generally like games. What did you mean by that?

Divković: True, I like games. I like people who don't approach life with extreme seriousness, but in a cheerful, childlike way, without any hidden agenda. I think fear kills the child within us. It kills what is real and creative. I think we have forgotten how to play. That we have closed ourselves within the four walls of our prejudices. And that we find comfort in them for all our failures. But we should live. We should play.

PEOPLE ARE THE GREATEST DESTROYERS IN THE WORLD

Patria: You are young, yet you have already encountered the obscure side of human nature. 'People, I admit with a heavy heart, are the greatest destroyers in the world.' Yet, you give them a chance...

Divković: I do, and I always will. What would life be like if it were only a one-way street, where you only receive and give nothing? Yes, people are the greatest destroyers in the world. I have met such people. And it's good that I have. I am grateful for that acquaintance; I learned a lot. However, I have also met the other kind. Wonderful people with big hearts. Those who don't destroy, but build. I'd rather talk about them.

Patria: You intensely analyze yourself and others. The queen of analysis, as you called yourself at one point... Would we be happier if we analyzed less, and would we more easily surrender to people, to life? What do you think after all?

Divković: I believe we would be much happier if we analyzed less, if we simply surrendered to life. But let's be realistic, it's not that easy. It's easier said than done. It's up to people to ask questions, to comment, to analyze. Especially us women, it's probably in our blood. However, I don't think it should be completely excluded; rather, I think we just need to be aware of what is normal and what is excessive analysis...

Patria: You advocate for individuality. You say: 'Tell me, what is it like to have everything of others on you, even your worldview?' Is individuality expensive?

Divković: Tell me, who decides which price is too low and which is too high when it comes to a person's 'self'? I think the 'self' has no price, and it shouldn't have one. However, when we talk about individuality, I must admit that it amuses me how much individuality is advocated today, while at the same time individuality has been completely lost. Let's be clear, I don't equate individuality with physical appearance; rather, I believe that individuality stems from a person's thoughts and, most importantly – their actions.

Patria: You rebel against mediocrity. And escape requires courage. How do you gather it?

Divković: There's no special philosophy to it; things are quite simple. If something matters a lot to us, we will do everything to achieve it. And no, it won't be easy. Change is difficult and requires great sacrifices, but if we truly want to go out into the world and take what belongs to us, there is no force that will stop us. Period.

Patria: You say: 'When a woman discovers a man, she also discovers herself.' What did you, Ingrid, discover about yourself by getting to know men?

Divković: I discovered a lot, but most importantly, thanks to men, I discovered what I will and will not accept in life – ever. And something else. I learned to leave all those who want to shape me in their own image.

Patria: You have succeeded in portraying the deficit of values of the new era, the emptiness and mediocrity of people... Will you continue to raise awareness about this?

Divković: If I have succeeded, as you say, I am glad. It's not something I plan in advance. I think such ideas have been living within me for a long time, and now is the time to let them go into the world one by one (like children). 

Patria: What do you want to write about next? Will your future works also be autobiographical?

Divković: I will reveal that I have already started writing a new book, and that I will continue to focus on these life themes with an emphasis on positivity. I promised myself not to write a book with a sad ending and I will try to remain true to myself. I don't believe the new book will be autobiographical, but you know, every book a writer writes carries autobiographical elements to some extent...

Patria: Who were you waiting for to happen to yourself? (rhetorical question from the book, ed.)

Divković: And who wasn't I? 

 F..k Your Ego is an autobiographical book