International Men's Day: Has the Traditional Role of Men Changed?

Every time International Women's Day is celebrated on March 8, you can expect at least
one comment asking, "When is International Men's Day?", with the answer being, "Isn't every day?" Such comments can indeed invalidate men and encourage toxic masculinity.

November 19 is International Men's Day. A day when we can highlight and
discuss some of the problems men face regarding their mental health.

Why it is important to talk about men's mental health, what difficulties they face, and where all this comes from was answered for us by Maja Savanović Zorić, a psychologist and systemic family psychotherapist.

One client once told me: "When my mental health was at its worst, my workplace was my only safe haven. When I got there, it became a place where I could talk openly with people because they weren't family. Social events at work also allowed me to relieve pressure. We are often told to 'just get on with it,' which can then lead us to try to shut down and not share our thoughts and feelings instead of trying to deal with them effectively."

Both men and women have mental health difficulties. However, the way they react is often very different. Men are less likely to seek help and are more likely to downplay their symptoms than women. They are also five times more likely to abuse alcohol and other psychoactive substances and thus run away from what is troubling them and what they are dealing with. The good news is that in the last ten years, men have become more open to seeking help when needed.

According to data from the World Health Organization (WHO), suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of forty-five. This is the case in many countries around the world, including the UK, USA, Australia, and Russia. As for statistics, women seem to be diagnosed with depression more often than men, but men are more likely to commit suicide. This does not mean that women have it easier than men when it comes to mental health issues, but the data shows that our cultural perspectives and gender expectations can significantly contribute to the increased suicide rate among men.

It is clear that there are reasons specific to men for this. Gender, cultural conditioning, and adequate role models are contributing factors. An equal number of women and men may think about ending their own lives, but men are more likely to go through with it, and often in violent ways. This says something about the psychology, attitudes, and mental well-being of men in our communities.

From an early age, boys are treated in a special way - they are told that boys don't cry. With variations, this is a sensibility found in many cultures around the world. In a child's mind, this can easily be translated as "I have no feelings at all." As they grow up, men are encouraged to present a strong, untouched image, which often masks a deep need to emotionally communicate what is happening to them.

Men are simply bombarded with social expectations; they must build a successful career, support their families, and much more. In many cases, self-esteem and self-confidence are directly linked to professional success. Failure to fulfill their patriarchal role means a collapse of self-esteem and self-confidence. Then depression, anxiety, and panic attacks can begin to creep in. To that pile, you can add feelings of loneliness, isolation, and rejection. But men often lack the tools to manage these emotions. When it comes down to it, the only acceptable feeling for many men is anger. Although the increasing number of those who come and work on their feelings is encouraging, it is often a double-edged sword. Most men I meet in a psychotherapy session feel shame, not only about their situation but also about admitting that they are struggling at all. They describe going to counseling as a failure in itself. Because of this, they delay seeking help or never share their troubles with a loved one.

Men feel that something is wrong with them because they are struggling and because they are unable to simply shake it off. Unfortunately, by the time they finally reach out, their symptoms may be so entrenched that it has already affected their psychological well-being - and even the well-being of their families.

How do we stop the cycle? Well, besides fixing traditional roles and expectations of men, the broader goal is to continue normalizing mental illness like any other illness. I think acceptance is key. If you feel depressed or anxious, acknowledge those feelings. Ask yourself this question: "What do you do when you experience pleasant emotions?" You don't try to push them away; you allow yourself to feel them, right? It is worth remembering that, no matter how unpleasant feelings are, they too will run their course and pass.

The more men open up about their emotions, the more connected they will feel. This connection can change everything. Once you realize that you are not alone and that others feel the same as you, then you can truly begin to move forward and grow. What has been unfairly neglected for generations when it comes to men is their emotional literacy. Yes, it is okay for a man to be sad! Yes, it is okay for a man to cry. Only when a man knows how to recognize and adequately manage all his emotional states will all of the above be less likely.