Only a truly strong person is capable of self-control and being respected!

By Isa Pašalić, psychologist

Few feelings have as much power as the need to be seen and respected by others. However, we often pause when defining respect. We all know what it's like to be respected or disrespected, and we can even describe this feeling, but do we truly know what it means to be respected?

One of the strongest human drives, overshadowing all others, is the need to be respected.

Respect is one of those subtly mysterious words that we cannot precisely define or name at first glance. However, we all feel its meaning. Respect represents a position in social relationships where other people acknowledge our boundaries and the social space we occupy. The opposite of respect, in this case, would be a lack of acknowledgment and crossing of our boundaries and social space or position.

Like most psychological phenomena in humans, the nature of respect is twofold. The respect that other people give us can come from the material and spiritual worlds.

Respect that comes from the material world is what most people are already seeking, and it is most easily represented by the need to be as strong, capable, and recognized as possible in order to prevent others from crossing the aforementioned boundaries. This way of thinking is primal and most easily outlines human material nature. People strive to achieve more, to acquire more money in order to evoke admiration and awe in others.

This methodology for achieving respect is not wrong in any way and has been and is being used quite successfully, and it is one of the greatest drivers of the human race and civilizational progress.

However, like any psychological phenomenon, if it is not balanced by its duality, it can pose a problem.

We are all witnesses to people who are powerful and possess what could be called material wealth or success. However, when they find themselves in a situation where they can deceive and harm others in business or private and professional life to achieve some material gain, they do so without remorse.

Such people, although respected for their material success, are not truly respected as people. We can say that they have not completed their spiritual dimension, which is in many ways far more important than the material one.

The spiritual side of a person, in the context of respect, is reflected in integrity. A person who is aware of the importance of integrity and honor cares about remaining consistent with universal ethical principles.

Consistency with these ethical principles is what generates a feeling of respect in others. In a word, this phenomenon—the inner drive for a person to remain consistent with ethical norms—could be called honor. Universal ethical principles dictate that lying,
cheating, stealing, gossiping, and deception are wrong, and that anyone who crosses the boundaries of these principles is outside the bounds of what makes a person a person of integrity.

Inconsistency and strict non-adherence to these principles cause revolt and disrespect towards the one who is not honorable in others.

On the other hand, adherence to these ethical norms in people causes a feeling of respect that is not simply based on awe—as with the material world—but arises from a deeper, primal sense of good and bad. Also, adherence to these principles speaks to the inner strength of the person who adheres to them, because a weak person always compromises ethical principles somewhere when they can ensure the satisfaction of some need.

Only a truly strong person is capable of self-control in such moments. Therefore, honor and integrity are the foundation for building a personality. Everything else built on the foundation of respect for ethical norms will be stable and beautiful, while everything built on bad ethical foundations will be unstable and will sooner or later collapse, regardless of the splendor with which it was adorned.

It is important to note that this should in no way be a factor that deters us from material fulfillment. Material achievement can be one of the great facilitators of personal and societal fulfillment. It is important to state that respect coming from the material is superficial, while respect coming from the spiritual is an original human feeling.

When material achievement is paved with the foundations of ethical principledness and honor, then we truly get a person who carries within them that essential piece of the puzzle from which leaders are built.

Respect, although a mysterious phenomenon for the human intellectual apparatus, is far from a mystery for our inner being, which perceives the world using much finer and wiser tools of cognition. To be in contact with this ability means to be immersed in that original essence that makes a person human.