BiH2025 - A Flight into the Abyss

By Rasim Belko @rasimbelko

Welcome to the BiH 2025 flight, a flight where seatbelts are a mere formality, parachutes a luxury, and the captain and crew - a circus at 10,000 meters!

Air Force Captain Zukan Helez assures passengers that everything is under control, although he has no idea where the cockpit is. He occasionally comes out to the passengers and shouts: "Don't worry, NATO knows where we're going!", while helplessly waving a pilot's manual upside down. He runs to the phone and calls some Brussels numbers, but the answer is the same: "Donald Trump broke down, if you want, we can connect you to the alternative AfD line." Nervous about the answer, he curses the party and Tito for not dealing with the Germans as they should have.

Flight attendants Konaković, Forto, and Nikšić run through the cabin, handing out empty promises and plastic cups full of fog. Instead of safety instructions, they recite a speech: "The European Union will catch us if we fall!", while passengers frantically look for an exit.

Konaković frantically repeats “this is all Bakir’s and that Željko’s doing!”, while Forto, trying to finish some European rainbow-colored sandwich, replies: “but I am not Bosniak, I don't deserve this.” At the very tail of the plane, Nikšić is huddled and crying. “So many billions remained in the budget, now I'll call Vojin to see if he can help us.” “Hello, where are you, Neka, I hear trouble, huh.” “Vojin, help me, brother,” repeats the panicked Nikšić. “I can't, Neka, I'm with Mile, he says we Serbs must stick together now.”

Pilot Borjana Krišto sits at the controls, but the plane has been flying on autopilot for a long time. She occasionally announces over the intercom: "Dear passengers, with God's help, we will land somewhere... I hope."

Air traffic controllers Dragan Čović and Milorad Dodik send contradictory instructions.

Čović says: "This plane will only land if the pilot speaks Croatian!" Dodik shouts: "How will it land, I'll pick up my own people by helicopter, I don't care about the rest.”

Meanwhile, the plane is rapidly losing altitude, sirens are wailing, and one of the passengers exclaims: "Where are the parachutes?!"

Flight attendant Nikšić replies: "That's populism! We need a regional agreement on parachutes!"

Passengers clutch their heads as the plane enters a vortex, but the crew continues to calmly talk about a "bright future." The control tower in Brussels just sighs: "Just don't fall on us."

Controller Dodik announces: “Call Schmidt, I repeat, call Schmidt. Or that cowboy, hahaha, oh Dragan, I only feel sorry for Borjana.” At that moment, some strange grumbling and commotion from nearby bushes. In the middle of the panic, Sanja Vulić jumps out and shouts: “Mile is sacred to me.” Željka Cvijanović follows her and repeats: “Say it’s Tito, say it’s Tito.”

“I am an optimist,” said Dragan, hearing Konaković in his headphones, “don’t let us fall, Dragan, please.”

Realizing that Čović's optimism is his end, Konaković addresses Nikšić in an even more panicked voice: “Don’t let us fall, Nermineee.” “Don’t worry,” replies Nikšić. “He said that to the veterans, and pensioners, and businessmen, and SDP members. This is the same as if he told me, be sure that we are falling into an abyss,” Konaković mutters to himself.

At that moment, his phone rings, an unknown number, but he is no longer sure if he dares to answer - ”maybe it’s that unfortunate Avdo Avdić.” “Wait, or maybe it’s comrade Mile, he remembered our good times at the match in Laktaši, the pub in Bakinci, and our gatherings in Konjic. He must have, Vučić also said he knew it was him when he called from a protected number.”

“Hello, Mile, is that you?” asks Konaković. “Yes, what do you want?” shouts Mile. “Help us, Mile, remember how good we had it,” pleads Konaković. “I will, I'll send an excavator to collect the remains,” Mile grins and hangs up.

In the chaos, Sabina Ćudić's voice is heard over the intercom: „Attention, please! Children are the priority!“ Passengers look around confused - there are no children, but Sabina continues: „The EU will surely send us a rescue package – as soon as we deliver another reform!“

Passengers grumble louder and louder, but at that moment Schmidt jumps out of the toilet, waves some decree, and shouts: „Don’t worry, I’ve already decided everything!“

In an attempt to maintain peace, Forto begins handing out European flags instead of parachutes, saying: „Just hold on tight, it will surely help!“ Konaković turns to Nikšić: „Brother, what should we do?“ To which he sighs and says: „We are waiting for someone else to decide our fate, as always.“

Will the plane crash? Will the passengers manage to take control? Or will the crew jump out at the last moment with parachutes made from the material of state-owned armchairs? Follow live on flight BiH2025 – The Road of No Return!